Where art thou...???

You just know when you feel lost when God's not around...

I miss you terribly Lord, I'm sorry for all the sins that I've done... it's really hard when You know I know Your words yet I failed to obey You...

FATHER GOD I need you...
I need revival...
Sorry if I made the Holy Spirit grieving...
Jesus please be the center of my life...

I honestly don't know where my heart and life stands now... I'm not the same person I used to be when You're with me.

I hope...

There are things in life that sometimes I just can't understand.

There are times in my life that I felt like...

Right now I'm in a position where I think too much... did I make...? can I make it...? do I have to feel...? am I hard to...? These are just examples of what I'm thinking, how much more on how I feel???

Emotional... that is me. Sometimes I just hope I did... I hope he could... you know what I'm saying??? It's hard to express how you feel because you just know he wouldn't...

All I can do is hope and pray...

A walk with Hannah....

This week was so tiring for me. I have been babysitting hannah for the whole day. I worked for more than 8 hours a day but that's not what I wanted to tell. :P I just want to share how the simple tour with Hannah around the compound will remind me of things that is happening in my life. Explanations that sometimes we can see around us but we're just too busy to notice everything.

It was I think last thursday when I went out with Hannah for a walk. I need to take her so she could breathe some fresh air and at least let her feel the heat of the sun. While walking just a street away from our house I saw that there's a machine which ofcourse operated by a man digging the soil. I didn't know but for a while I have stared on what he is doing. He is digging the rock away for the soil to come out. Then I was reminded of a preaching in our church (Norway International Fellowship), that when God is planting a seed in us first He would take out the rocks (sins) in us in order to come out the good soil where the seed will grow strong and beautiful and bear fruits. I was reminded by the story in Luke 8:15 'The Parable of the Sower';

'But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by preserving produces a crop.'

The Lord has reminded me that He is still at work at me taking out the rocks in me. I was stunned by that moment because I'm still struggling with a sin that has been my weakness in these past couple of years. And then when we were walking still further I saw the horse racing track. God is still not finish with reminding me. I know it's Him telling me to run the race. It's Him telling me that no matter what I'm feeling at that time just continue to walk with the Lord and time will come and by the grace of Him the rocks in me will soon be gone. I remembered the bible verse in the book of Joshua 1:5, 9 where God said this words:

''No-one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your liife. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you, I will never leave you nor forsake you.''

''Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.''

I was encouraged by His words and the works of Him. God does not lack in anything, He will do no matter what just to remind us how He loves us so much. I am blessed, so much blessed by His love. All the Glory belongs to you Lord. And I will sing and praise you for all of my life in Jesus name. AMEN!

I love you with the love of the Lord <3

A Sinner like me... Who would have thought?

I have marked this day in my life... Or should I say God marked this day for my life.

Many of you may not understand me but what I have received right now is the best gift I have ever had in my life. I really don't even know where to start or how should I write this undescribable feeling that I have. All I really now is that I am so much blessed today. And I'm very much thankful for the gift that God has given to me. Still I can't believe that God will still grant me this kind of treasure, for I know that I am a sinner but God's love has covered my sin and Jesus blood has cleansed me.

I really wish to make a long blog about this but I guess this unexplainable feeling will remain like this because this 'gift of tongue' that I have received from the Holy Spirit will stay forever with me. And I'll use this to Glorify our Lord. All the Glory is yours Lord. I love you with all my heart and I'll be forever thankful.

Psalm 95

¹ Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD;
let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
² Let us come before him with thanksgiving
and extol him with music and song.

³ For the LORD is the great God,
the great King above all gods.
⁴ In his hand are the depths of the earth,
and the mountain peaks belong to him.
⁵ The sea is his, for he made it,
and his hands formed the dry land.

⁶ Come, let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the LORD our Maker;
⁷ for he is our God
and we are the people of his pasture,
the flock under his care.

Today, if only you would hear his voice,

⁸ “Do not harden your hearts as you did at Meribah,^[a]
as you did that day at Massah^[b] in the wilderness,
⁹ where your ancestors tested me;
they tried me, though they had seen what I did.
¹⁰ For forty years I was angry with that generation;
I said, ‘They are a people whose hearts go astray,
and they have not known my ways.’
¹¹ So I declared on oath in my anger,
‘They shall never enter my rest.’”

Amen.

Child-like

I just watched the video of one my 'pamangkin.' (baby Pol) Who is learning how to walk. He got this toy that guides him to stand and has a wheel that helps him to move forward.

It maybe a common scenario to see a toddler learning how to walk but for me it is a reminder. It gave an impact into my heart.

Silence....

After my blog about me being hurt by my boyfriend, I felt the need of something... something that will help me to bring realizations in my life, then I thought of these, I need a quiet time on my own...

Silent empty room... a perfect place where I know I can find peace. In my sanctuary. How I miss the quietness, it makes me think of everything that is happening in my life. It gave me a chance to feel empty again, emptiness that only God can fill.

Purpose. He has a purpose why it is happening right now. I need to set my priorities for real. It's like Him asking me, where am I in your life now? Am I still your number 1 priority? Or I became the least? I was too focused on what I feel, not knowing that I have hurt my jealous Father again. I myself would like to ask the same question, where is God in my life now? :(

-Ephesians 2:10 states, "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago."

Problems. Have it still not occured to me that I have a bigger God than those problems. Problems are nothing if I have God on my side. I need to choke more on these. Wakey, wakey!! I have God. Nothing is impossible to him :)

-Deuteronomy 31:8 reads, "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord is the One who goes before you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor forsake you."

Love. I guess I need to meditate more on this. He is the only source of love. If you know the sacrifice He made when He gave up His Only Son, that's when you will understand the true meaning of love. Giving without asking anything in return.

-John 3:16 says, 'For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Lesson learned. Focus on what is more important. Ask for the Lord's guidance in every single thing that I will do. Trust Him at all times :)

Psalm 32:8 reads, "The Lord says, I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."

Just a thought...

I was washing the dishes when suddenly I saw the bowl that I used for the baked mac I ate yesterday...

I remember that I learned to appreciate the taste of the baked mac when I'm about to finish eating all of it. Then I thought of something, why do we usually appreciate something or someone when they're almost gone? (Realizations starts to flow :D)

In life we only start to value someone when they're about to give up helping us or loving us.

In things we only came to realize its worth when we already lost it or it is broken already.

And then I realized the most important thing, we only get to know Jesus when we're losing hope, when no one seems to understand, when no one seems to care or when nobody is around, and the likes.

Never did I imagine that from learning to appreciate the taste of the food would lead me to recognize the true worth of Jesus.

Psalm 118:8 'It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in a man'

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